Don’t try to make sense of her magic.
​
Whatever you do, don’t reduce her to nothing more than a series of coincidences you can liquefy into meaningless qualities, so that you don’t feel guilt about letting her slip through your fingers.
No matter how many times you tell yourself that what you feel is a pull that isn’t worth giving into, she will still be there—the pulse within your skin, the breath on your neck and the hardness that you wake to each morning, with no chance of fulfilling it in the way that you crave to.
She’s magnetic and charming—all while drowning you in the sweet epiphany that they were right all along: women like her do exist.
But women like her are born to scare the hell out of men. They live their days to challenge—to make it just difficult enough to reach them, so only those who are truly worthy will get to enter their precious gates.
They were not born to be f*ckin’ easy, but instead to be that storm that you find yourself surrounded in—rains crashing through the burnt dry ground of the mundane, the rumbling thunder silencing everything but the sound of your name upon her moist lips, and the lightning that scorches what would have been a perfectly safe life.
The reality is, she’s the taste of summer upon your winter lips.
She’s the fullness of an expectant mother and the blooming desire that brings roses to gardens full of thorns. She’s fire, with just a little bit of ice—a woman who dreams in color, yet cries in black and white.
It’d be easy to pretend she was like everyone else (or at least like every woman you’ve ever had), because if that was actually the case, then you’d never have to do anything different from what you’ve always done.
You’d never be challenged or pushed to see that just maybe something else exists beyond what you thought was possible.
Yet, like the winds of change blowing blustery on a brilliant November afternoon—she’s still there.
Her memory, whispering hard against your subconscious, reminds you how soft she is, and how something about her just melts into you, making you give a little, so you melt too.
Because how do you forget about a woman who you can’t even begin to describe?
She speaks softly, knowing that she doesn’t want be heard only when she’s roaring in declaration of her latest passionate pursuit. Perhaps it’s when she speaks most closely to her heart that she whispers—knowing it’s words that not all are meant to hear.
Yet, perhaps you’re not scared at all.
Maybe you just think what you’re seeing isn’t really there—that possibly, your heart and mind have conspired against you to create a woman who doesn’t truly exist.
But the thing is, my dear sweet man—trust me when I say, she does.
She won’t be perfect, yet within those chaotic scribblings, beauty will still be found.
Somewhere between her crazy quirks and clumsy nature, you’ll fall in love—not with the painted image she projects to the world, but with the flawed rambling woman that she actually is.
A life that she has cultivated in privacy. She revels in not having everyone be privy to her secrets, even if at times, it looks as if she is an open book.
She may be fire, but sometimes it seems as if you are the one holding the match.
But none of that makes a difference, because this woman is one who holds the indescribable colors of a transparent universe within her succulent thighs. She moves with the power of a goddess and wishes to spread love wherever her bare feet travel in this life.
She is moonbeams, with just a dash of whiskey.
The reality is that if she is a fire you fear, then it’s because you don’t truly see her. If you’re still scared of who she is, and what she could represent, then perhaps you aren’t the man for her at all.
Because the only thing that a man who truly sees her would notice within her emerald-flecked eyes, is love.
The anarchy and storms, the contradictions and fears, the worry and doubt—it would all dissolve against a darkened sky under a resolve that only those who can stand the chaos are worth her magic.
She is a woman on fire. She is a woman whose passions spread like wings upon her luminescent skin—a woman who smells like freedom and tastes like your childhood.
So don’t be scared, don’t brush her off this time, and stop pretending that anything about her is too much for you.
You know she’s just enough—and she always has been.
She’s melancholy on a rainy morning, twisted bed-sheets and raindrops against the leaded windowpane.
She’s memories and ambitions wrapped up together, the twizzle of surrender within your bare naked soul—but more than that, she’s your heart.
And it doesn’t matter if you can explain her—nor does it matter if you can visualize how life with her would work—because the only thing that does matter is if you’re willing to give it enough time to develop into what could be.
Because sometimes, the best-laid plans end up disappointing us in their somber and bitter reality—while at other times, it’s those things we jump into—feet first, with our eyes closed—that end up becoming the very thing we needed all along.
So, while she may be fire—deep down you know that you’d never be burned by her flames, because (and perhaps the secret is) you burn just as hot.
And maybe—just maybe—that is what you’ve needed to realize all along.
Are we evolving beyond marriage ?
“People grow when they are loved well. If you want to help others heal, love them without an agenda.” ~ Mike Mchargue
.
We can’t love someone under the guise of hoping they will change someday and become the person we really want them to be.
To love means to accept someone as they are, in their entirety, in this moment. Not just accept, but actually revel in who they are—including those parts that make us squirm because of what they might trigger within our own selves.
Yet so many of us have gotten into relationships with the hope and expectation that eventually the person we are with will stop—or begin—doing certain things.
The reality is: this isn’t love.
Instead, it’s us wanting another person to become who we think they should be.
It’s like us taking scissors and thread, and cutting and sewing their best and worst qualities, until they have become someone who we think is acceptable—someone we want to love and have in our lives.
The most daring thing any of us can do is love someone for exactly as they are.
To approach relationships with the expectation of change, we automatically lose sight of the importance of where our lover is on their journey—and instead of letting them grow in whatever way they are meant to, we set up roadblocks and detours, because we want them to grow in only the ways we think they should.
Instead, let’s go into this conscious love thing all radical and clear-eyed—let’s make the choice to love someone without the expectation of change, but rather with an expectaion of growth, meaning that we know someday they may grow in a different direction from us.
None of us want to be changed—we don’t want someone to tell us they love us, but they’d love us more if we didn’t dress like we did, or speak so loudly, or didn’t have friends of the opposite sex.
But in order to find what we are seeking, every single one of us needs to make the choice to wait for the type of love that doesn’t want to change who we are—but does expect (and understand) that we will grow.
The best kind of relationships are those where each person knows that they are free to move in whatever direction their heart pulls them in—that there are no preset rules or conditions to abide by.
This doesn’t mean that we want to be treated poorly, but rather that we chose to love so well, we hope to inspire our partner’s growth. However, a love like this doesn’t pick and choose which areas we want to inspire, but goes into knowing it should be all encompassing—and that it’s about the other person’s experiences, rather than the desires of our own egos.
The best partner will want to assist us with our growth and soul evolution through constant spiritual, mental, emotional, and even physical insights and revelations—not because they want us to change, but because they hope to help us become more ourselves.
Sometimes we can be loved so well that we actually become more of who we are—not less.
Yet, for so many of us, we’ve only ever experienced relationships in which our partner only loves certain things about us, that it’s hard to know what this type of love actually looks like and feels.
The biggest barometer for a love that hopes we grow (yet doesn’t want to change us) is a feeling of peace and freedom when we are in the arms of our partner.
It’s a knowing that we don’t have to do anything special in order to be worthy of the love of our partner. When we enter into a relationship with someone where we have no desire to change who they are, then we also are accepting them in their complete wholeness.
We are accepting their darkness and demons. We are looking at their scars and old wounds, and kissing them—letting them know that we see them for exactly as they are, without wanting to erase any of the experiences that have made them who they are.
The secret is that this type of love does exist, but the sad reality is that many of us don’t hold out for it—and instead, we keep entering into partnerships where we feel we are constantly not measuring up to the ideals of our lover.
But this cycle only ends when we decide that it does—when we have come to the realization that we have learned all of our lessons about love, and what we need from our partner, without feeling guilty or wrong because of it.
If we decide that we are worthy of total and complete love—that we are going to extend love towards another person, as our highest evolved self, with the ideal that their highest self will receive it—then those aspects of ourselves that others didn’t want to see, suddenly become beautiful to someone who can see our light even within the darkness.
To love with the hope of inspiring someone to grow means that there is no end results to a specific relationship dynamic. There are no conventional signposts by which to judge this type of romantic union—yet that doesn’t mean it can’t include living together, marriage, or even children; it just means that none of this are stipulations for a successful and loving relationship.
Each one of us is meant to continue growing, and what we become interested in or explore will be different each year. We should try new things, read new material and experiment with discovering what kind of person we truly are, and what kind of life we want to lead. The truly beautiful thing is that certain lovers will help us do all of that and so much more.
Because when we love someone—not because we want them to change, but instead to help inspire them to grow—then we leave the door open for whatever may happen. We don’t restrict their greatness by our own limited ideals, but instead, we wait with bated breath to see what magic can occur when we make the choice to love someone exactly as they are.
“I do”—but maybe I don’t need to.
“And even though I’m unsure about most things in life, I am certain that I love you and will continue to love you forever.” ~ Unknown
​
What is marriage truly, and is it still something we need to strive for in this life?
​
It seems like so many of us do things simply because “we’re supposed to.” We attend college, marry, have white wedding dresses, birth children and live a life that is almost a carbon copy of everyone else’s in the western world.
But I don’t think the question is really about what marriage is—but rather, if it should still be a defining factor successful relationships strive for.
Marriage was created to legally join two people, and there are many different ways to do this depending on geographic region and religious beliefs—but the ending result is that two people have officially “made it.” They are stating to themselves, their friends and family that they are pledging their lives to one another.
The thing I’ve been stuck on lately is: why?
I’ve already been married, so perhaps this is only the retrospect vision that wearing a white dress now affords me to have, but I am wondering if the highest and deepest form of love is, in fact, to get married at all?
If two people choose to be together—to love one another without boundaries, and support each other without stipulations, through anything in life—then why does a marriage license make it any more likely to soidify that?
The sad truth is: it doesn’t.
A marriage ceremony is just one event, a day in a series of a thousand, and the reality is that going through this (usually) expensive ritual doesn’t guarantee any sort of security or everlasting happiness.
These days, we are seeing people wait even longer to take that plunge. Now, more than ever, 30-somethings are not rushing to the aisle in an attempt to fulfill the roles society has handed down to them. Instead, they are taking the time to experience life and find themselves.
As we evolve spiritually and mentally, it’s only natural to assume our romantic relationships will begin to evolve as well. What we, as humans, have sought before may no longer serve us—and by questioning everything we’ve been previously taught, it seems we are also starting to question traditional marriage.
The thing is, I’m all for marriage! But just not how I’ve been told it’s “supposed” to go.
I don’t know if I will ever wear a fancy, white dress again or have a big ceremony—part of me dreams of having a ceremony where just myself and the man I love are present.
If we exchange our own vows and rings—with no officiant, no big cake and no huge guest list—would it be any less meaningful or real? There’s a smile behind my eyes whispering, yes, and maybe even more so.
But we wouldn’t be legally bound to one another or file our taxes together, as we are so often corralled into doing, simply because it’s been the traditional way of joining two people together.
Yet, even with all of those things, we wouldn’t be doing—we would still be together every single morning, knowing that it’s a choice we make each time we open our eyes to a new day.
I don’t want to make it easy for my lover to leave, but I also don’t ever want him to wake up next to me and feel he has to be there because of a piece of paper we signed a decade ago.
I want to be chosen every single day—just as I’ll choose him.
I believe that for those who feel strongly about being joined legally with another, they should fulfill those desires by having that big, white, cupcake wedding. My only advice is to actually think about why they are doing it that way.
And some might say: What about God, Allah or Ganesh?
In many religions, it’s seen as unsanctimonious to have a man and woman living together “out of wedlock.” However, regardless of which religious text we follow, I don’t think any divine being would truly say that an unheathy marriage, where love is lost, is better than two people who are living together and loving each other every day because they choose to.
Some use religion as a tool to impose fear, and others choose to see it as the guiding light of divine love.
Each of us has the ability to think for ourselves and decide which type of life we want to lead. There is no right way to love—and for many of us, we don’t discover our own personal beliefs regarding marriage, until we actually stop and consider if we are doing something because we want to, or because we are expected to.
I fully support all of those who are evolving beyond marriage—or at least the limited definitions that we have been taught it implies.
It seems we are on the brink of beautiful waves of awakening, and that the underlying commonality we are all experiencing is that we are asking questions—we are wondering, and we are no longer blindly accepting something just because we were told to do so.
Maybe someday we will evolve fully beyond marriage, and realize that black is a perfectly acceptable color to wear while pledging our love to someone. We may even realize a marriage ceremony doesn’t have to be about a religious denomination—or all the excessive food, drink and decor—but that instead, it’s about the feelings and the words presented.
Perhaps someday, we will get to a place where love will simply out-shadow obligation.