It’s ironic that sometimes the very things we say we want we also don’t truly allow ourselves to receive.
It seems that I talk to women all the time who literally have been dreaming of getting married since they were little girls. They have sweet memories of dressing up, walking down the aisle and pretending that they were brides on the happiest day of their lives.
For a long time I wondered if there was something wrong with me because I never did that. While other little girls were playing bride or mommy, I was in my backyard playing zookeeper. Walking around in the wilds caring for the animals and not paying much thought to dressing up or any aspect that had to do with adult life.
I was always in my own little world.
But just as little girls tend to do I grew up and found myself shaking in a limo unable to get out begging for a drink before I stepped out to get married. You would think this may have been a sign, but no, because the truth is sometimes in life we need to learn lessons not have a happily ever after.
And so the little girl who only ever played zookeeper to zebras and elephants suddenly found herself walking by herself down the aisle.
When I was younger I never thought about Love; I mean if we’re honest how many of us in our twenty sit around thinking about the purpose of Love or how a partnership with the right individual can enhance our lives and the manifestation of our dreams?
We don’t, and that’s okay because some things we just need to grow through but when the dust settles of what we thought Love was and we see it for what it actually is sometimes we don’t let ourselves actually be Loved.
Sometimes whether or not we want to admit it, we’re the problem.
Not because we’re ignorant or damaged goods but because sometimes it’s just hard to keep putting our hearts out there not knowing for sure if this time, maybe it might work; to have faith that this person won’t let you down like everyone else and that just maybe you’ve found someone who when they say forever…actually means it.
But, in many ways that is also the point because we’re not supposed to be guaranteed of anything when it comes to Love which is why we have to rely on our faith and trust in another person which become important and crucial blocks within the foundation of a connection.
Because the reality is even when we get that Love that lasts forever it sure as heck won’t be easy every day. It won’t always be effortless, some days it’s going to just be plain hard and when we are challenged and growing if we don’t have faith and trust not only in our partner, but in our connection and Love, then how are we going to expect to move through those rough spots?
One of my favorite forms of self-destruction were walls, because honey, trust me, ain’t no one have walls taller, harder and more difficult to climb than mine. Might seem ironic that since it seems I write my heart out that I would be an open book to my Lover but it was far from it; that overwhelming fear of getting hurt sometimes had me wanting to run. Even though I knew it wouldn’t lead to happiness and even though there was this unflinching desire to be Loved for who I was there were many times where just to simply stay and be vulnerable and be open and be loving despite the risk was literally the hardest thing to do.
Childbirth has nothing on opening an already broken heart to Love again.
But, I also know that I am not the only one. I talk with so many people every day and they ask through tears, how do I know I won’t be hurt again? And unfortunately the answer is you don’t. None of us do, but the one thing I can guarantee is that if you are sitting around expecting your Lover to switch up, waiting for them to let you down, to give up and to essentially break your heart…well, guess what? That’s gonna happen.
Because when we have those fears, even if we keep them silent, even if we try to tuck them mostly into our subconscious our partners can still feel the difference between and open and a closed heart. They can feel if they are getting our all, or if we are still trying to Love with a safety net.
Most of the time we have to make the choice to believe that this time is different; to believe that maybe this time Love can be better than we ever expected.
It’s hard and of course we are afraid and of course we have fears or trepidation but in reality how the heck do you think you’re going to have a fulfilling forever Love if you think everyone is out to screw you over? Plain and simple, I won’t, you won’t, no one will.
We have to look our fears down and tell them that we don’t need them anymore. That yes, at one time they helped keep us safe, they prevented us from getting involved with just anyone that looked in our direction but now when Love is not only on your doorstep but knocking as well is the time to put those fears aside and decide to make this time different.
It’s time to tell ourselves that Love can keep us safe instead of our fears.
And of course to believe that we are actually worthy of being Loved unconditionally, fully and completely forever because the truth is all it takes is one person to prove that not everyone is the same.
All it takes is one Love to actually last forever.