To the unnamed, the unknown and perhaps the unfathomable; the moments that define love.
Maybe the best parts of life simply happen between sex and sunrises. I’m not talking about cheap one night stands that reek of sugary Bacardi while men try to find a woman’s worth within the depth of her cleavage or the ripeness of her thighs.
What I am speaking of is the tight lipped intimacy that exists within a world set apart from others, and perhaps we can call this home or even comfort but in truth it is real life; the everyday and the simply breathtaking.
It seems that sometimes we become so wrapped up in out there that we forget the world that can exist simply right here; the small moments of quiet and the deliciousness of lips writing poetry to one another within the darkness.
At times I sit and I watch the world, and I wonder why we began to value quantity over quality and why intimacy became one of the most feared words in the world. Perhaps because it means letting another in and taking the chance that we can show them the map of our hearts without them taking advantage or ruining what they may find there.
But it seems we have generations of people who have perfected the hook up but who fail every day at building intimacy with one another-yet remain clueless as to why they wake up each morning feeling a lack within their hearts.
We praise promiscuity and reject monogamy; we defile needing and cling to our methods of self-protection all the while building our walls tall enough so that no one actually invades our hearts for fear of actually recognizing what it means to truly be naked with someone.
And I’m not talking about fucking, what I’m speaking of is when we make the choice to truly just let ourselves be seen and to see the person in front of us.
The small moments of meals shared and laughter kept; bedtime kisses and sweet I love you’s against sleepy lips. This is what life is; what love is and while perhaps we can paint a million reasons why it’s exciting to keep taking home different partners the reality is nothing that we’re actually searching for will ever be found within the shallowness of meaningless sex.
Somehow it has become bad to say that love and sex is tied together or that at the very least it should be. I don’t even know when it happened and while it’s important to own our sexuality, it also does no good pretending that what most of us are after is just a good fuck…even if we masquerade to ourselves under that belief.
Without meaning, feeling, what is sex?
The working together of bodies to climax? The physical yearning of two people who desire to just simply fuck for fuck’s sake? And maybe at one time or another we all need to take this road. We need to keep it simple, or shallow, to let ourselves go through lovers more quickly than the latest fashions simply to realize that no amount of sex will satisfy the yearning that we truly have within us.
What we yearn for; what we truly desire is connection.
To connect with our lovers, to be seen and to experience the tiny small moments of intimacy that sweeten an already beautiful life are what in fact lead us to feel that we’ve got it all. Yet to be open to this true connection we have to understand not only what we bring to the table but also what level we are able to meet ourselves as well.
No amount of love from another can convince or push us to expose our ripe and beating hearts, we have to get to the place where we are real with ourselves about how we are feeling and the lack that permeates the morning after meaningless trysts that leave us with that thought lingering in the back of our minds: There must be more.
I suppose the truth is the more is always there, always existing, growing and blooming sometimes just within reach and sometimes just out of view but it is there none the less. But once we truly open to another, once we make the choice to venture past the surface and dive to one another’s depths allowing ourselves to breathe in one another’s essence and practice the art of love making then there is no returning to an existence that was prior to that experience.
It’s like seeing technicolor after living within the monotony of black and white; once we truly are able to build real intimacy, once we are able to connect to another’s mind and soul so deeply we can feel their presence then we will never be able to go back to life as we previously knew it.
We will forever be changed by not just an authentic soul connection, but by true intimacy.
Once we learn how to venture past what we’ve known we open ourselves up to experience everything that we never knew was possible. We open ourselves up to connection, communication, honesty, intimacy and the deepest love we’ve ever known.
The moments between sex and sunrise.
Late night television and the quiet lullaby of music; whispered voices and heirloom quilts wrapped around bodies so warm. It’s in the opening of our inner lives, the heart of what matters most knowing that love and true intimacy have nothing to do with sex, what we show to the world or even other people.
It’s all about that connection between two people, the appreciation of the small moments and the desire to never stop trying to create memories that sweet the day long after the sun has risen.
It’s in the way that the rest of the world disappears for a few hours and nothing matters except us, and the one we love.
And maybe, just maybe, we can build a life on the smallest moments that no one will ever see all held gently within the spaces between sex and sunrise.