The hardest thing to do is to start over again.
Its Valentine’s Day today, a slightly cheesy mediocre holiday that of course has lost it’s true meaning to a plethora of chocolates and flowers. It’s not that these gifts aren’t wonderful, because I know there’s not a woman out there myself included that would actually ridicule them even today but I think it’s the meaning behind any gift that truly matters most.
The history of this day are fairly dark going back to Roman times and the Catholic empire, but over time thanks to the romantic words of Shakespeare and other writers it’s meaning has turned sweet. And then I began thinking, maybe we created this holiday because we needed a day to just simply celebrate Love.
Personally I revel in celebrating Love on a random sleepy morning in January, or even a midsummer’s night in August; honestly, I’m a fan of celebrating Love pretty much any day, but of course while I don’t need fancy dinner plans tonight, I still might celebrate it in my own way. Maybe even an unValentine’s Day, something akin to Alice in Wonderland.
But to celebrate any aspects of Love we have to be all in which means we have to forget that at one point our heart has been broken.
My heart’s been broken a few times and I’ve broken a couple too, in so many ways I always said that I would never want to be with a man who hasn’t broken at least one or two hearts because in my eyes if he has then he just might be more careful with mine. But I have run the gamut of heartbreak; I’ve had to start over, forgive and forget and quite honestly just plain forget. I’ve lashed out in anger and been so broken that I couldn’t do anything than lay under a quilt in the heat of summer unable to eat or do anything.
And of course I’ve cried so hard I’ve slumped to the floor unable to even stand with the sadness that was in my soul.
But I’ve always chosen to still Love, to put the pain behind me and to believe that there will be a time in my life when I give my heart to someone and it stays with them forever because how else can we truly Love if we don’t?
There will always be a million reasons to not try, to remain closed or at least to keep playing it safely. There will be logical reasons why it’s futile to try, to believe that it’s impossible and to once again start all over with someone new. Sometimes even it seems as if our only choice is just to never really fall in Love again, after all if we never fall, we’ll also never truly have our heartbroken again, right?
I think so many of us Love with a safety net.
We do it in pieces, in moderation and with boundaries so thick it’s impossible to really see if there could be an us because we’re still so focused on protecting the me. But, I have to wonder, is that really Love? Is it possible to play it safe and fall in Love at the same time? Personally, I don’t think so, because Love is all encompassing it’s giving ourselves totally over to someone-while of course maintaining our individuality-and trusting them to do their best while we do ours for one another.
We can’t really know Love if we’re still holding back.
The thing is that we need to Love like there’s no such thing as a broken heart because if we don’t, then we’ll be expecting it to end; we’ll be expecting a new relationship to self-destruct just like all the others and if that’s the case, then why even bother?
Love will never make sense; it won’t be convenient and most likely if it’s the really good kind that can change you forever it also won’t come in quietly and peacefully. Perhaps it might grow unexpectedly, and it might even whisper in the beginning, but at some point it will grow louder, more intense until it feels like ignoring its call is as futile as not breathing.
We can’t predict the future, we can’t say what will happen tomorrow or even say that we have all the answers that we will need in this life-but what we can do, the most honest promise we can make to a Lover is that we will never stop trying.
And so I try for Love, and for my Lover, today and every day. Not because it’s some over celebrated bullshit holiday but because I seize every opportunity to show the one I Love just that. I am far from perfect, and I have my days where I am moody and just looking for a hug but instead I lash out. I have high expectations of people because I hold myself to the same standards; not for things or even certain popular ways to judge Love but for someone to continually try to do their best, which will never be easy but will always be worth it.
I believe in loving like I won’t be able to tomorrow, as if today might be all I have because each night that I lay my head down I want to know that I am falling esleep with no regrets.
Loving someone with all I am doesn’t mean that there won’t be hard days; it doesn’t mean that he and I won’t have trials or difficulties in life or be worn down by our pasts or a family tragedy. It doesn’t mean that we are immune to sadness or problems, but it does mean that I am putting my hand in his saying that it doesn’t matter what happens because together we will weather any storm.
Loving someone like there’s no such thing as a broken heart means that we’re going to have to keep trying, every single day, because when we find someone whose truly worth it, we’ll do anything we have to do to keep it growing.
Including loving like there’s no such thing as a broken heart.