Do You Have Blind Trust In Your Lover?
If we can’t trust the person that we are with then we’re wasting both of our time.
But what does it mean to trust someone, and is that different from this idea of blind trust? I think that for all of us we learn through our relationships. We can do all the self-work we want on our own but until we actually are in union with another do we actually see if we’ve worked through our shit, and if we haven’t (which none of us has by the way) do we process it in a healthy way once we’re triggered.
Everything in life is a choice though; love and trust are included in that.
We choose to love someone; we choose to have love be an action but trust is also a choice too. As we get older none of us have come out unscathed from heartbreak but we still have a choice as to who we are going to trust and if we are going to be willing to give apart of ourselves away that could become broken once again.
So we can sit on mountaintops in solitude and say we are practicing unconditional love and trust but until we’re sitting across from someone who we feel ourselves falling (or have fallen) for and make the choice to hand them the map and key of all our vulnerabilities then we’ll never actually know if we’ve grown as much as we said we have.
I’m a bit of a contradiction admittedly; in one breath I will say that I trust too easily, but on the other hand I can count those in my inner circle on one hand and so I know that I don’t necessarily. It’s not that I think the worst of people; in fact I actually tend to think the best of them, or at least the self that I see if they only got out of their own way.
But true trust? That’s the heavy shit, especially when it comes to a lover because it means we trust them to build with us, trusting them to grow with us, trusting them to be transparent with us, trusting them to communicate with us, trusting that they will be intimate with only us and trusting that they will in fact trust us.
And there’s no half way and I think that’s where this idea of blind trust came from.
There’s the trust we say you earn, you know the kind; it’s used a currency by people who don’t have the balls to just say I don’t trust you anymore because I can’t actually forgive you or someone who came before you. So instead we say you have to earn it back, or you have to deserve it but please, that’s not trust that’s control, that’s bartering and it’s also as conditional as hell and has disaster written all over it.
But blind trust is just saying okay; here’s my heart, my soul, my body, my wounds, my future and my dreams and I’m placing it in your hands because I think you deserve it just for being you, because I have faith that you know the weight and value of what I am giving you and I trust that you can handle…well….me.
We don’t do this very often though.
Instead we usually will have a long list of why we can’t trust again, but in truth all of that is just holding us back from experiencing the love that we are all dreaming of. No one ends up in this magical love affair partnership once in a lifetime magical shit by playing it safe. Sorry, not going to happen. We also can’t bring in our past relationship hurts into a new relationship, but that doesn’t mean forgetting they existed.
The difference is we can’t start of a relationship saying well this last person broke my heart so why even try, but it could sound like the last person I trusted really hurt me so it’s going to take me some time to fully open up, but please be patient with me. This means that we’re acknowledging our wounding, our scars from our past but instead of letting them scare us away from life, we know we’re just going to have to be given the time to learn that it’s different this time.
It’s making the choice to trust someone not because of anything they did but because of how you wish to be treated. If we want to be trusted we can’t not trust, if we want to feel loved we can’t then withhold love, and if we want to be in partnership with someone we can’t then cling to trying to keep things the same.
It’s through this process that we are able to see if we can actually walk our talk.
Sure we can say that we’re awakening and that we are owning our shit but until we actually make the choice to be in partnership with someone and try out what we’re saying we might as well be speaking into the wind for all that it actually matters.
But when we commit to blindly trusting someone it also means that we’re going to do the same thing to ourselves. This means that we’re going to work hard to not doubt or second guess ourselves that we’re going to trust our hearts and our intuitions and not let someone else think they know what’s best for us.
Sometimes it’s said that we need to have all our shit figured out before getting into a relationship but honestly that in itself is bullshit because even if we do, whoever we eventually partner with will eventually turn all that around until we feel like we know nothing. Instead all we can do is say that we’re a work in progress, that we’ll make mistakes, we’ll overreact, we’ll get triggered but that we’re also committed to doing our best to process these triggers and situations as they come up, not just for us and our own development but for the other person and the relationship itself.
Because sometimes we just have to have blind trust that the other person’s intentions is as good as our own, and if at the end of the day, we’re both committed to growth, then maybe we already have as much guarantees as love will ever provide.
Maybe we already have everything.