We Don’t Find Love-We Create It.

Love is an act; a decision; a choice even if it feels we in fact don’t have one.

Recently I was having a conversation with someone who has the ability to stretch my mind beyond reason by gently tugging at the corners of my consciousness as he said to me, “We don’t find love, we create it.” I asked him to repeat it as I often do when I just want to hear the delicious way his voice says these words that his creative mind came up with, but more than that, sometimes I just need to hear them again so that they might sink in and become part of my fabric.

And it got me thinking.

To change this view point is to really change how we go about not just loving but in fact even pairing up with someone to explore this life with. To think that love isn’t something that we find, but rather create is to end the search all together. There is nothing or no one to in fact look for at all, because love isn’t something that is found hiding under a mossy stone but rather the bonds of connection, memories and passion that we create by fusing our consciousness and life with another.

But the truth is we can’t create the same kind of love with everyone.

The way I’ve been thinking of it is that we all have different ingredients that we bring to the table; some of us may have desire, some forgiveness, perhaps one might bring unconditional love or even a teaspoon (alright, tablespoon in some cases) of crazy and then we take our ingredients and combine them with someone else’s and see what we can create.

Not all love tastes the same though, and sometimes we get poisoned too ending up with a bellyache from an overdose of love gone bad. It’s really all about what you got, what I got and how that all adds up when we are together. Sometimes ingredients don’t go well together, or sometimes it’s just that we’re just limited in the kind of love we can create.

Regardless of who we are love is never something that we find. We may stumble across someone that seems like the love just comes so easily but that is only because of how that love was created, and how our ingredients combined to form something brand new.

In truth, sometimes it seems like we prefer to think that love is something we find because then it’s like this love is out there and all we gotta do is stumble across the right person at a club, or swipe right and somehow we’ll end up in that love that just feels right.

But there is a big difference from the love that we force out of desire versus the one we create from inspiration.

The reality is though regardless of what titles we use for our connection or relationship there is still work to be done; not strenuous arduous work, but soul deep unearthing that lets us then create the kind of love that keeps us warm on even the coldest of evenings. Sometimes it seems that we think those deep connections like soulmates or twin flames mean that we in fact will be free from the responsibility of creating love; as if somehow by just using a title we will be exempt from having to work it like everyone else.

It doesn’t matter who we are or how amazing the connection, we will still have to work at the creation of the kind of love that we want to define our union. This means we will have to make the choice to do things differently, to be vulnerable when it’s hard, to keep trying even when we’re tired, and to forgive when we get hurt.

Love is an action that should be demonstrated on a daily basis in whatever way it needs to be expressed in order to fulfill one another’s needs.

Love is the bond that we create, the support and the dreams that we weave together with another. It’s the foundation of what we build with someone and the haven that we can retreat to at the end of a stressful day. The love that we create is honest, it’s commitment and ease, and it’s the taste of warm chocolate brownies and smells like lilacs in the sunshine.

It’s the moments that we create that are apart from the rest of the world; the ones that belong to just the two people who created it that actually define the love itself and that also in fact give it it’s superpower to overcome anything.

To create love means that we are committed to what that love represents, not just the benefits of it. It means that we know we have to create something that can withstand the strongest of storms, and it also means we’re taking responsibility for it as well. In this way of thinking love doesn’t happen accidently, but rather is intentional, is conscious, even if sometimes it feels like the love we are experiencing didn’t really give us a choice in the matter.

Perhaps it’s really just about finding someone who wants to create love with the same taste that you’re hoping for. Maybe it’s a love that tastes like freedom and security, or passion and ambition, or maybe you just want yours to taste like everything so nothing is left out.

Maybe it just really comes down to us deciding to be real with ourselves about what we hope to create, and then being equally honest with our partner so that what we end up building ends up strengthening the souls of both involved.

No one ever just finds love, or wakes up one day realizing that they are in their ideal primary relationship, instead it’s a choice; to follow our hearts, to persevere, to not run away or take the easy way out, but most of all it’s making the choice to never stop creating, never stop making the love that we desire to build with the person who is committed to building with us.